beatnic - just wondering

Predictive text for Unilever is Toileter.

Predictive text for “tow rope” is “toy pope”.

A man walks in to a library and says “Fish and chips please”

The librarian says, “Sorry sir, this is a library”

So the man whispers “Fish and chips please”

A gem from the East Dulwich Forum…

A friend once met an American called Randy who complained about “you Brits always sniggering at my name”, stifling his own giggles my friend politely reassured him though it had certain connotations in the UK, Randy was a fine name and that not all British people were that juvenile.
The American thanked him but said it happens every time he meets a Brit, they always fall about laughing “all I have to say is “Hi I’m Randy Bender”"

Rory Bremner watch out!

Channel 4’s Child Genius made interesting viewing.

In a Seven Up style format, it will follow several “gifted children” - they are so bright their IQs are off the scale - as they develop to see how their lives pan out.

In one scene a ten year old boy is in conversation with a Professor of Philosophy walking round the gardens of an Oxford College.

Professor: “If you had to lose only one, would it be logic or emotion?”

Child genius (without hesitation): “Emotion, because then I wouldn’t feel unhappy”

Professor: “Ah, but you wouldn’t feel happy either.”

Child genius: “Yes, but I wouldn’t care.”

The BBC is currently advertising for an “On-Demand Scheduler” (n.b. this link will self-destruct on 15th August)

The idea of scheduling on-demand content struck me as oddly amusing.

Great promo video for the British Humanist Association

Find out more about Humanism

After a flying visit to Copenhagen, I was piecing together a lego helicopter with my three-year-old and telling him about Legoland coming from Denmark.

After a moment he looked at me and asked: “If I go there will I stick to it?”

Why Do Taggers Tag?
Recognition
Low self-esteem
Peer recognition
For recognition; a distorted view of “fame”
See it in the community and want to try it too

Via Vandal Watch: Stopping Vandalism in Your Neighborhood via Boing Boing!

Newt Arrester was where my journey started.

After a minor delay at Hawthorn-Hero-Ill, I wound up down Bowel Mind way.

For a while Queer Spank was where I got off, though some call it Ink Blur and others (estate agents mainly) Lava Media. That was after Blather Month.

I work between Trek Beakers and Otter Bends, but you could also use Strange Perk.

[All thanks to the London Underground anagram map, via Synesthesia].

You just have to see these amazing photos.

Brilliant!

[Via The Obvious?]

Just wondering…

Was this intentional?

Does it bring in more business than if they’d placed their logo somewhere else?

When a man gits old he jist likes to sit without botherment.

From a book on photography from 1943.

There I was staring at the Independent on the District Line this lunchtime when I heard this slightly high-pitched voice coming from a seat nearby.

“Can I have a sip of your cappuccino?” said the voice.

“No, you might burn yourself” said a man’s voice.

I looked round to see small brown bear wearing a red hat who was now asking another man next to him for a sip of his water!

Some fellow tube passengers didn’t know where to look. Some moved slowly away, others hid behind their books or pretended to read the adverts again.

Bearsac today on the London Underground

Turns out this wasn’t just any bear. This was Bearsac who has his very own website at bearsac.com where you visit his house and check out his photo album.

He’s travelled extensively and also seems to have spent quite a lot of time hanging around Borehamwood as he’s been photographed with virtually the entire cast of Eastenders. Not to mention quite a few members of the Arsenal squad including Thierry Henry and Robert Pires.

If you’re a Numanoid there’s a treat in store (click on the picture hanging on the wall in the house).

And if you’re feeling a little peckish there are a few recipes to try out in the kitchen.

Bearsac is not politically affiliated (I did ask). And just to double-check I asked whether he was backing Cameron or Davis but he just gave me a “do I really look that stupid?” look.

Random tube journey.

Ambient serendipity.

Japanese slang for a man with a combover hairstyle is “barcode head”

Heard on Anita Anand’s show on Radio 5 Live last night.

My three-year old son and I went on a walk to Lordship Lane yesterday afternoon to pick up something to cook for my parents for supper from William Rose the butcher.

When we got back we sat on the ledge of the fence outside our house for a well-earned rest and looked up at the soft clouds drifting by in the light blue sky.

“They said it was going to pour with rain today. I’m glad they got it wrong,” I said.

“Who are they?” he asked.

“The man on the telly last night telling us about what he thought the weather would be like.”

“Oh, ok.” he said.

And then after a pause he grinned at me and said “Maybe they were joking!”

I’m happy to fall for this great publicity for the film which I’m really looking forward to and will gladly walk under a ladder to get to.

Posters for the new Wallace and Gromit film on a south coast island will not feature the word “rabbit” because of a local superstition.

[...]

In Portland [Dorset], rabbits are called underground mutton or furry things.

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing.

He concludes by saying: “Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq”.

“OH NO!” the President exclaims. “That’s terrible!”

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, “How many is a brazillion?”

Thanks to Andy B for sending this :)

I searched google’s blog search for “Brazillion” and there were 813 results (looks like it’s been doing the rounds for a couple of weeks already). I guess that makes this number 814…

Thanks to my feedreader getting in a muddle over what year it is I got to see this the other day which really made me chuckle:

The Secure Entrance Paradox

To the Residents… One of our engineers visited today to repair the fault in your Secure Entrance System. Unfortunately, we were unable to gain entrance. Please call the following number…

From Battery Life

Definitely quirky

From The Register:

Chav burglar collared by webcam

A 19-year-burglar has just begun an 11-month stretch at Her Majesty’s Pleasure after he was captured burgling a house by the owner’s webcam. Fed-up software engineer Duncan Grisby set up the surveillance system following a previous burglary three years before. It recorded deliciously crisp images of Benjamin Park who delighted police immediately identified. Read on and see the pictures…

This is on my bicycle journey to work.

Four year-old joy rider takes the wheel

From Oddly Enough on the Reuters website:

“What he was doing was jump down, hit the accelerator, and get back up so he could see where he was going,” Hayden said, explaining how someone who was too short to reach the floor pedals was able to drive a car.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson who?

You’re on the jury!

Joke heard on this morning’s Broadcasting House on BBC Radio 4

They’ve got a point